Last night it was Jay's turn to have a bad dream. As I curled up close, listening to his heart beat, and as he derived comfort simply by being close, I thought about how lucky I am to have somebody that loves me so much. A man that works so hard to provide for us, then comes home and truly enjoys spending time with us. That led me to thinking about people asking how our marriage is so happy and good. I used to laugh off that question, saying I didn't know, but I thanked God for it. I started to look for exactly what it is that makes us different from so many other couples.
First is being thankful. I thank God every single day, normally multiple times, for my husband, my life, and my family. Looking back at my choices before I met my husband, I know it's not a life I have earned. It is not something I take for granted. I make a point of thanking him for being wonderful, and letting our kids see and hear how much I appreciate what he does. He does the same. Neither of us expects the other to say thank you, but saying or doing little things to let the other person know they are appreciated is huge.
Second is not looking at what's in it for me, but looking what I can do for my husband and our family. Our marriage is not born of selfishness. Sure, there is give and take, but neither of us is looking for what our the other is doing for us. We are looking at what we can do for each other. When the day is through, I often ask myself if I did enough. Sure, the house isn't spotless, there are a dozen things left on my to do list, and my laundry room is bursting with loads waiting to be done. That's not what I'm asking, though. Did I do enough? Did I say I love you often enough, and did I show it in obvious ways? Are my kids tucked into bed, full of the knowledge that they are loved, since loving them goes hand in hand with loving my husband? Did I tell my husband how much I love him, and did I do enough to show him how much he means to me? Is there any chance any of them could question how much I care? If I don't wake up, did I give all of myself in a way that they will never have to doubt how I felt? If the answer to that is ever no, that will be the day I failed as a mother and a wife. I strive to fill their lives and hearts with joy, and I don't count their faults or what more they could have done. In turn, they do the same. In giving ourselves so fully, we also receive amazing love and happiness.
Third, we don't fight. Yes, we do have disagreements. We talk about it, if needed, we step away and revisit it. On occasion (especially when I'm pregnant,) I get mad, sometimes I yell,
always he laughs, which makes me madder. He'll make me laugh, which
will make me mad that I'm laughing, until finally, I just give in to the
knowledge that he's right. Maybe not about the topic, but about it not
being something worth fighting over. It really doesn't matter what the
issue is. It is never worth fighting over. It is not worth hurting each
other. It is not worth hard feelings. We compromise where we can and forgive when it is needed. Arguing and holding on something that steals our peace and joy is not worth it.
Probably the biggest thing is realizing we are not the only people in this marriage. From the start, it was my husband, me, and God. He has always been there, and we have always strived to serve Him. In loving each other in the way that God has planned, we are able to love fully and without reservation. We are able to keep perspective and continue to serve God and each other. Our marriage has added four people to it, and will have a fifth additional person in May. Marriage is not about one person, or even two. It encompasses so much more than that, and bringing all of the pieces into a marriage makes it whole.
Is our marriage perfect? No. We are by nature imperfect, but our marriage is perfectly suited to us. In serving and showing our love, it comes easily most of the time. In living our lives the way God means for us to, we are more easily able to follow the path, not only of a fulfilling life, but also of fulfilling and happy marriage.
