Remember when gas was cheap enough that we didn't have to worry about going to a gas station that might have been a few cents higher than the one down the street? I don't know about you, but now I check the stations before I buy. No, I don't sit there and drive around town looking. That would just be a waste of gas. A friend of mine sent me this link quite a long time ago: http://autos.msn.com/everyday/gasstations.aspx?zip=&src=Netx
All you do is click and put in your zip code. Automatically, you have the prices for all (or most) of the gas stations in town. Be sure to check all the zip codes that are within your daily driving routine and the zips for nearby towns. I found that when I drive to the store in a different town, I drive the same distance and save $0.10/ gallon or more!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
So Many Blessings
As I sit waiting for my two daughters to wake up, having just put my son down for his first nap, I smile and thank God for my life being the way it is. I see posts from my high school friends, and I realize all over again how good I really have it. One can't make bills, another is a single mother, a third has seen things that nobody should ever have to... the list goes on and on.
Every morning I get to wake up and spend one-on-one time with my son. It won't last, but for now, I roll out of bed to get up and feed him. As we sit there in the quiet morning, my mind drifts from thought to thought as my precious baby is curled up against me. He holds my hands and looks up trustingly as he nurses. If I look down and smile, I am rewarded with a big 2 1/2 tooth smile. He is my whole world, and I am his.
Throughout the day, all three children drive me crazy with their stunts. Climbing into the bassinet that needs to be tossed, but I can't because it was mine. Jumping from bed to bed, often hitting their legs off the ends of one toddler bed or the other. Once in a while fighting over something silly.
Then, all too quickly, another day has passed. It's time for bed. Who wants to say a prayer? You wouldn't believe the sweet things my children thank God for. A wonderful day. Mommy, Daddy, Sister, and Bub. Being happy. Being healthy. It's a reminder each day that I am blessed. Then kisses and hugs, tucked in to bed.
It never fails. A couple minutes later, a naked little two year old, who comes out of her room to say she's tired, but will not go to bed. She wants to cuddle. She wants kisses and hugs. She wants to be carried in like a princess at least a dozen times. A three year old that's hungry, even though she had a snack right before bed. She needs to eat, she needs to drink, she needs to potty again. Kisses and hugs, she wants to be carried like a princess and wrapped like a burrito. They are what life is all about.
Finally, they fall asleep. Sadly, I look at how they've grown so quickly. Where have the days gone? The months? The years? Nothing lasts forever, but I wish this could last a little longer.
Then it's off to bed for me. Exhausted, I climb in next to the man that I still love with all of my heart and soul. A man that loves me back, and does his best to show it every day. A man that selflessly risks his life daily so that I can stay home with our babies. A man that will never leave us, will never be unfaithful, will never be untrue. He asks for so little. Only that we are happy.
When I look at the lives of my former classmates, I am thankful all over again. Thankful I didn't date who I prayed would notice me. Thankful I made the choices I did. Thankful that I am who I am, where I am, and how my life has turned out.
Every morning I get to wake up and spend one-on-one time with my son. It won't last, but for now, I roll out of bed to get up and feed him. As we sit there in the quiet morning, my mind drifts from thought to thought as my precious baby is curled up against me. He holds my hands and looks up trustingly as he nurses. If I look down and smile, I am rewarded with a big 2 1/2 tooth smile. He is my whole world, and I am his.
Throughout the day, all three children drive me crazy with their stunts. Climbing into the bassinet that needs to be tossed, but I can't because it was mine. Jumping from bed to bed, often hitting their legs off the ends of one toddler bed or the other. Once in a while fighting over something silly.
Then, all too quickly, another day has passed. It's time for bed. Who wants to say a prayer? You wouldn't believe the sweet things my children thank God for. A wonderful day. Mommy, Daddy, Sister, and Bub. Being happy. Being healthy. It's a reminder each day that I am blessed. Then kisses and hugs, tucked in to bed.
It never fails. A couple minutes later, a naked little two year old, who comes out of her room to say she's tired, but will not go to bed. She wants to cuddle. She wants kisses and hugs. She wants to be carried in like a princess at least a dozen times. A three year old that's hungry, even though she had a snack right before bed. She needs to eat, she needs to drink, she needs to potty again. Kisses and hugs, she wants to be carried like a princess and wrapped like a burrito. They are what life is all about.
Finally, they fall asleep. Sadly, I look at how they've grown so quickly. Where have the days gone? The months? The years? Nothing lasts forever, but I wish this could last a little longer.
Then it's off to bed for me. Exhausted, I climb in next to the man that I still love with all of my heart and soul. A man that loves me back, and does his best to show it every day. A man that selflessly risks his life daily so that I can stay home with our babies. A man that will never leave us, will never be unfaithful, will never be untrue. He asks for so little. Only that we are happy.
When I look at the lives of my former classmates, I am thankful all over again. Thankful I didn't date who I prayed would notice me. Thankful I made the choices I did. Thankful that I am who I am, where I am, and how my life has turned out.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Living in a World Trying to Kill You
Up until a short time ago, I knew allergies were bad, but I never really understood how dangerous they are. Through talking with mothers of children that are deathly allergic to certain things, my rose colored glasses have been taken off.
When most people think of allergies, they think of somebody getting really swollen, maybe hives, and worst case scenario is an epi pen
or trip to the hospital. It's really not that simple. The mothers of many children with allergies live in constant fear of what might happen to their children. Something as simple as not making sure something was sanitized can lead to a very scary, potentially deadly, trip to the hospital.
One mother I talk to frequently went on vacation with her family. They stayed with extended family all in one condo. Even after a few years of being told why her child can't have nuts, the extended family didn't understand the hazards. They were all sitting down enjoying their time together when the little boy began to swell up. Within a couple of minutes, he was having a very hard time breathing. EMS was called, an epi pen administered. A trip to the hospital, and they still aren't sure exactly what happened. It could have been something as simple as the knife used to make his sandwich hadn't been washed well after making a peanut butter sandwich.
Another mother discussed how her daughter was playing outside. The neighbors were having a cookout, which was a common occurrence. All of the sudden, the daughter was having a severe reaction to the smoke from the grill. The neighbors had been grilling clams, and the little girl is very allergic to shellfish. Again, an epi, a trip to the hospital, and she came home.
These children lived very close to hospitals. One thing people don't understand is that an epi's effects last only about 15 minutes. There is a reason many people carry two. The pens can't be left in a car because the heat could kill the medicine, and need to be replaced after a year. Bypassing any of these steps can kill.
We even had a bit of a scare. When Alyssa was younger, she stopped gaining weight. There was a three month period where she didn't gain an ounce, and she had gained very little before that. One of the things they tested for was a gluten allergy. That would mean no normal bread and no wheat products, we would have to be very careful about giving her hot dogs, and we would have to take special care in reading labels. Nothing could contain wheat, barley, rye, malts and triticale, some things used to flavor, and some things used to thicken foods. Looking at what would have to be taken out of her diet was scary. I cried about what we would have to be sure not to give her. She would never have a birthday cake or pizza. Accidental ingestion could lead to internal bleeding and could kill her. We were very lucky, and her tests came back clean. Many parents are not so lucky.
Before I knew all of this, I never understood why peanut butter was banned from schools. Now I understand. It's not just for that child that trades his ham sandwich for a PB&J. It's for the children that literally can't be in the same room. With allergies on the rise, this kind of instance is becoming more and more prevalent.
While some allergies are something that can't be avoided, studies show that part may stem from choices parents make from the start. Keeping your children off the ground and from getting dirty also keeps them from building a good immune system. Breastfeeding children is one of the top recommendations for infants, and has been proven to reduce allergies, ear infections, and has so many more benefits. Even a few weeks makes a huge difference.
Encourage your kids to go outside to play. Let them play in the dirt. Breastfeed your children if you can. Research other great ways to reduce allergies. We all want our children to be happy, healthy, and to have better lives than we did, even if our childhood was perfect. Sometimes the best way to do that is the old fashioned way.
When most people think of allergies, they think of somebody getting really swollen, maybe hives, and worst case scenario is an epi pen
or trip to the hospital. It's really not that simple. The mothers of many children with allergies live in constant fear of what might happen to their children. Something as simple as not making sure something was sanitized can lead to a very scary, potentially deadly, trip to the hospital.One mother I talk to frequently went on vacation with her family. They stayed with extended family all in one condo. Even after a few years of being told why her child can't have nuts, the extended family didn't understand the hazards. They were all sitting down enjoying their time together when the little boy began to swell up. Within a couple of minutes, he was having a very hard time breathing. EMS was called, an epi pen administered. A trip to the hospital, and they still aren't sure exactly what happened. It could have been something as simple as the knife used to make his sandwich hadn't been washed well after making a peanut butter sandwich.
Another mother discussed how her daughter was playing outside. The neighbors were having a cookout, which was a common occurrence. All of the sudden, the daughter was having a severe reaction to the smoke from the grill. The neighbors had been grilling clams, and the little girl is very allergic to shellfish. Again, an epi, a trip to the hospital, and she came home.
These children lived very close to hospitals. One thing people don't understand is that an epi's effects last only about 15 minutes. There is a reason many people carry two. The pens can't be left in a car because the heat could kill the medicine, and need to be replaced after a year. Bypassing any of these steps can kill.
We even had a bit of a scare. When Alyssa was younger, she stopped gaining weight. There was a three month period where she didn't gain an ounce, and she had gained very little before that. One of the things they tested for was a gluten allergy. That would mean no normal bread and no wheat products, we would have to be very careful about giving her hot dogs, and we would have to take special care in reading labels. Nothing could contain wheat, barley, rye, malts and triticale, some things used to flavor, and some things used to thicken foods. Looking at what would have to be taken out of her diet was scary. I cried about what we would have to be sure not to give her. She would never have a birthday cake or pizza. Accidental ingestion could lead to internal bleeding and could kill her. We were very lucky, and her tests came back clean. Many parents are not so lucky.
Before I knew all of this, I never understood why peanut butter was banned from schools. Now I understand. It's not just for that child that trades his ham sandwich for a PB&J. It's for the children that literally can't be in the same room. With allergies on the rise, this kind of instance is becoming more and more prevalent.
While some allergies are something that can't be avoided, studies show that part may stem from choices parents make from the start. Keeping your children off the ground and from getting dirty also keeps them from building a good immune system. Breastfeeding children is one of the top recommendations for infants, and has been proven to reduce allergies, ear infections, and has so many more benefits. Even a few weeks makes a huge difference.
Encourage your kids to go outside to play. Let them play in the dirt. Breastfeed your children if you can. Research other great ways to reduce allergies. We all want our children to be happy, healthy, and to have better lives than we did, even if our childhood was perfect. Sometimes the best way to do that is the old fashioned way.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My Shining Star
June of 2008 was one of the best months of my life. My father and brother had come down to visit, and just happened to land on the days we needed them most. They watched Kaylee so J could be at my side and be there to welcome our second daughter into the world. Alyssa was born a beautiful, healthy little girl at 9lbs 4oz and 21 inches long. The hospital, at that time, let Kaylee come up to see her new baby sister, and she fell in love, a wonderful big sister from the start.
My husband was helping Kaylee in the bathroom, I believe while she was getting ready for bed, when he found a tick that would change my life. He removed it, and we watched for obvious symptoms of Lyme Disease.
That's when our world turned upside down. What should have been time for our entire family to bond with our new baby turned into a nightmare. Kaylee got a fever over 102, so we started giving her Tylenol. Then she got a bluish-purple rash that spread over her entire body, and her fever spiked higher, so J researched tick born illnesses, because we just knew it was something along those lines. Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever fit perfectly, so we made an appointment with our pediatrician, Dr. Cooper.
When we got to the appointment, Dr. Cooper did a thorough exam and was his normal, very caring self. We've had other pediatricians before, but he is the kind that you can only hope to find. The look on his face scared me. He knew too. He ordered blood work to confirm, but he knew. We were told to give Motrin, then 4 hours later Tylenol, and 4 hours later Motrin again. This was suppose to keep the fever under control. He said if it didn't or she got worse, call him and take her straight to the ER.
It did get worse. Kaylee's fever was over 105 when we made the call and headed to the hospital. It was a long, painful hour waiting to be called back, watching others get called who weren't in immediate need (like eight year old girl with no fever who wasn't throwing up now, but had been on and off a few days before.) After over an hour, Kaylee got up to check her temperature, which was now 105.4. Brain damage can start at 106. They made us go back out in the lobby and wait some more.
While we were waiting, Alyssa got hungry, and at the time I cared what other people thought about me nursing in public, so I took her to the bathroom to feed her. During that time, Kaylee got called back. When I went back out, they kept telling me not to bring Alyssa back because we didn't know what Kaylee had. I fought enough that they did let me back. They had no right to stop me, and there was no way I was going to be away from my daughter at that point.
They wanted to run all the blood work again, and they wanted to add a spinal tap. They made us leave the room for the tap. I will never forgive myself for letting them force me into the hall while six of them held down my 20 month old baby and did something so painful. We left our tiny baby girl in that room, screaming and fighting with no idea what was happening to her. It took several attempts to get the tap done, and we were finally allowed back in.
Not long after, we were told they were going to release us. The fever was not under control, nothing was fixed. Thankfully, Dr. Cooper had come to the hospital. He told them they would get Kaylee a room, and they would be giving her treatment. Then he came in to explain our choices. There were two medicines we could have them give her. The first would kill anything tick born that was causing the problem, but there was a chance that it could turn her teeth brown. The second wouldn't turn her teeth brown, but there was a chance it wouldn't kill what was making her sick. The blood work hadn't come back yet, so there was no 100% for what she had. His personal opinion, which I trusted my little girl's life to and would again without hesitation, was to go with the first. They came to move Kaylee into her room. Alyssa could not go into the pediatric department, so J held her while I went to see Kaylee before going home with Alyssa for the night.
For the next couple of days, one of us would stay with Alyssa while the other stayed with Kaylee. I pumped so Alyssa could remain exclusively breastfed, and we brought treats in hopes to get Kaylee to eat. By this point, it was almost impossible. Watermelon was our miracle food, because that was the only thing she would eat at all. The one time I remember at least a ghost of a smile that week was when one nurse explained that she had almost called the doctor thinking Kaylee was internally bleeding, then she saw the bowl of watermelon and realized that was what was in the diaper, not blood.
Kaylee got blood tests daily to see how her platelet count was doing. It started out pretty low and dropped for the next three days. Dr. Cooper's set of tests came back negative, but there was no waiver in the diagnosis. We had three additional pediatricians working with us at the hospital, and they were all amazed. As Dr. Cooper put it, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is one of those illnesses you learn about in med school, but never really expect to see. His last case had been over 10 years before, but many doctors will never see it. Her case was very interesting to them.
On day three, with the count getting dangerously low, one of the pediatricians I didn't know came in to talk to me. I remember only bits and pieces of what he said. I remember crying when he told me the count. 'want you to be prepared for internal bleeding...' 'may need a platelet transfusion...' 'considering moving her to the children's hospital in Baltimore...' 'medicine sometimes takes thee days to work, but ...'
She had one more day for her system to turn around. One day before they wanted to move her to a hospital over 3 hours away. We didn't have money for a hotel, so only one of us could go. Alyssa wouldn't be allowed in so I broke down again, knowing I would have to let my baby go lay in a hospital bed dying, and I wouldn't be able to be there with her. I held her like I did every other day. I cried and promised her she would be ok, and cried harder not knowing if I was telling her the truth. J's mom had driven over 8 hours to visit and she had given Kaylee a little stuffed puppy that played a few lines of 'Shining Star' by The Manhattans. Kaylee loved for us to push the button so the little star the doggie was holding would light up and the music would play. I sang to her through my tears, and I prayed even harder than I ever had before in my life. I begged God to help.
Day 4's blood work came back with amazing results! She was fighting, and by the grace of God, she was winning. We weren't out of the wood yet, but this is what they'd been hoping for, what we'd been praying for. She started asking for drinks and took a few bites of food here and there. Her fever was back down, and she had a little strength. For the first time, I believed when I told her she would be ok. My tears were tears of joy rather than fear and helplessness.
Day 5 came back high enough for her to be released. I can't even begin to explain how I felt that day. She still had to take her medicine a couple times a day for the rest of the 10 days, but she would be ok. Almost no pharmacies carry what we needed, but the hospital called around until they found one that did, and we were able to take our sweet little girl home. We were finally able to bond as a family.
Two years later, Dr. Cooper still calls her the amazing little girl and says the ordeal was really something. Two years later, I am still very, very thankful for everything he's done for us. The blood work never actually showed the cause, and most doctors of any type wouldn't have diagnosed and treated like he did. One more day could have killed my daughter. Instead, I have a beautiful, happy, playful three and a half year old. I still have nightmares about it and the song that little puppy played still makes me cry whenever I hear it, but I am so thankful that I also have a little girl that I can hold when I wake up. A little girl that I believe when she puts her arms around me and says, 'Mommy, it's going to be ok.'
My husband was helping Kaylee in the bathroom, I believe while she was getting ready for bed, when he found a tick that would change my life. He removed it, and we watched for obvious symptoms of Lyme Disease.
That's when our world turned upside down. What should have been time for our entire family to bond with our new baby turned into a nightmare. Kaylee got a fever over 102, so we started giving her Tylenol. Then she got a bluish-purple rash that spread over her entire body, and her fever spiked higher, so J researched tick born illnesses, because we just knew it was something along those lines. Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever fit perfectly, so we made an appointment with our pediatrician, Dr. Cooper.
When we got to the appointment, Dr. Cooper did a thorough exam and was his normal, very caring self. We've had other pediatricians before, but he is the kind that you can only hope to find. The look on his face scared me. He knew too. He ordered blood work to confirm, but he knew. We were told to give Motrin, then 4 hours later Tylenol, and 4 hours later Motrin again. This was suppose to keep the fever under control. He said if it didn't or she got worse, call him and take her straight to the ER.
It did get worse. Kaylee's fever was over 105 when we made the call and headed to the hospital. It was a long, painful hour waiting to be called back, watching others get called who weren't in immediate need (like eight year old girl with no fever who wasn't throwing up now, but had been on and off a few days before.) After over an hour, Kaylee got up to check her temperature, which was now 105.4. Brain damage can start at 106. They made us go back out in the lobby and wait some more.
While we were waiting, Alyssa got hungry, and at the time I cared what other people thought about me nursing in public, so I took her to the bathroom to feed her. During that time, Kaylee got called back. When I went back out, they kept telling me not to bring Alyssa back because we didn't know what Kaylee had. I fought enough that they did let me back. They had no right to stop me, and there was no way I was going to be away from my daughter at that point.
They wanted to run all the blood work again, and they wanted to add a spinal tap. They made us leave the room for the tap. I will never forgive myself for letting them force me into the hall while six of them held down my 20 month old baby and did something so painful. We left our tiny baby girl in that room, screaming and fighting with no idea what was happening to her. It took several attempts to get the tap done, and we were finally allowed back in.
Not long after, we were told they were going to release us. The fever was not under control, nothing was fixed. Thankfully, Dr. Cooper had come to the hospital. He told them they would get Kaylee a room, and they would be giving her treatment. Then he came in to explain our choices. There were two medicines we could have them give her. The first would kill anything tick born that was causing the problem, but there was a chance that it could turn her teeth brown. The second wouldn't turn her teeth brown, but there was a chance it wouldn't kill what was making her sick. The blood work hadn't come back yet, so there was no 100% for what she had. His personal opinion, which I trusted my little girl's life to and would again without hesitation, was to go with the first. They came to move Kaylee into her room. Alyssa could not go into the pediatric department, so J held her while I went to see Kaylee before going home with Alyssa for the night.
For the next couple of days, one of us would stay with Alyssa while the other stayed with Kaylee. I pumped so Alyssa could remain exclusively breastfed, and we brought treats in hopes to get Kaylee to eat. By this point, it was almost impossible. Watermelon was our miracle food, because that was the only thing she would eat at all. The one time I remember at least a ghost of a smile that week was when one nurse explained that she had almost called the doctor thinking Kaylee was internally bleeding, then she saw the bowl of watermelon and realized that was what was in the diaper, not blood.
Kaylee got blood tests daily to see how her platelet count was doing. It started out pretty low and dropped for the next three days. Dr. Cooper's set of tests came back negative, but there was no waiver in the diagnosis. We had three additional pediatricians working with us at the hospital, and they were all amazed. As Dr. Cooper put it, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is one of those illnesses you learn about in med school, but never really expect to see. His last case had been over 10 years before, but many doctors will never see it. Her case was very interesting to them.
On day three, with the count getting dangerously low, one of the pediatricians I didn't know came in to talk to me. I remember only bits and pieces of what he said. I remember crying when he told me the count. 'want you to be prepared for internal bleeding...' 'may need a platelet transfusion...' 'considering moving her to the children's hospital in Baltimore...' 'medicine sometimes takes thee days to work, but ...'
She had one more day for her system to turn around. One day before they wanted to move her to a hospital over 3 hours away. We didn't have money for a hotel, so only one of us could go. Alyssa wouldn't be allowed in so I broke down again, knowing I would have to let my baby go lay in a hospital bed dying, and I wouldn't be able to be there with her. I held her like I did every other day. I cried and promised her she would be ok, and cried harder not knowing if I was telling her the truth. J's mom had driven over 8 hours to visit and she had given Kaylee a little stuffed puppy that played a few lines of 'Shining Star' by The Manhattans. Kaylee loved for us to push the button so the little star the doggie was holding would light up and the music would play. I sang to her through my tears, and I prayed even harder than I ever had before in my life. I begged God to help.
Day 4's blood work came back with amazing results! She was fighting, and by the grace of God, she was winning. We weren't out of the wood yet, but this is what they'd been hoping for, what we'd been praying for. She started asking for drinks and took a few bites of food here and there. Her fever was back down, and she had a little strength. For the first time, I believed when I told her she would be ok. My tears were tears of joy rather than fear and helplessness.
Day 5 came back high enough for her to be released. I can't even begin to explain how I felt that day. She still had to take her medicine a couple times a day for the rest of the 10 days, but she would be ok. Almost no pharmacies carry what we needed, but the hospital called around until they found one that did, and we were able to take our sweet little girl home. We were finally able to bond as a family.
Two years later, Dr. Cooper still calls her the amazing little girl and says the ordeal was really something. Two years later, I am still very, very thankful for everything he's done for us. The blood work never actually showed the cause, and most doctors of any type wouldn't have diagnosed and treated like he did. One more day could have killed my daughter. Instead, I have a beautiful, happy, playful three and a half year old. I still have nightmares about it and the song that little puppy played still makes me cry whenever I hear it, but I am so thankful that I also have a little girl that I can hold when I wake up. A little girl that I believe when she puts her arms around me and says, 'Mommy, it's going to be ok.'
Monday, July 19, 2010
Big Splash
Wow. It's so dead on my blog. lol I feel like I'm writing in my own personal diary.
Today I walked my husband out before he went to the range. Nothing really abnormal about it, except that this is practice for the SRT (Special Response Team, same as SWAT) training he will be doing. Normally I would have just been thinking about how hot he looked in black BDUs, with his duty belt on, AR-15 across his chest waiting for the other guy to pick him up so they could just ride in together. This time, I felt fear grip me. This time is the first step towards my husband becoming part of a SRT.
A while back he asked me what I thought about him being part of the team. Starting their own SRT is something he and his co-workers have been talking about since he got hired with his department over three and a half years ago. It is something I never thought would happen, so I said sure. Then he came home with the information. It is actually going to happen, and very quickly. Instead of slowly dipping my toes in the water, then working my way in, I'm getting launched head first from the high board, and I'm afraid of heights.
The part of me that knows what goes into police training knows this is a good thing. It's more training that he can use on his day to day calls. He gets called to assist other agency's SWAT teams now. This training will help to protect him and his co-workers better than before. The risks aren't high, and he will be part of a small town team, so he shouldn't be called in for it that often. Honestly, the benefits out weigh the risks by a lot. If anything, this training will reduce the chances of him getting hurt or killed in the line of duty.
SWAT is kind of like any other job. When you're going to bust down a door, you know dang well the people on the other side are going to be bad guys. In addition to all the training and preparation that goes into busting down the door, you're prepared for what is going to happen. It's a luxury cops don't get most of the time. Normal patrol means you don't know if Granny is going to come at you with nun chucks and a sawed off shotgun, so you have to try to keep your guard up while being polite all the time. In that way, it also makes SWAT seem like a good idea. I'd much rather know my husband is prepared going into a situation.
Then there is the nagging civilian part of me that has seen too many movies and has been out of the field for too long. It keeps saying 'but he could get hurt.' Well yeah, but he's a cop. He could get hurt any day he's working. The part responds with 'this is more dangerous.' No. It really isn't, but like a kid in a toy store, no matter how much I try to reason with the voice, it just won't give in!
Today I walked my husband out before he went to the range. Nothing really abnormal about it, except that this is practice for the SRT (Special Response Team, same as SWAT) training he will be doing. Normally I would have just been thinking about how hot he looked in black BDUs, with his duty belt on, AR-15 across his chest waiting for the other guy to pick him up so they could just ride in together. This time, I felt fear grip me. This time is the first step towards my husband becoming part of a SRT.
A while back he asked me what I thought about him being part of the team. Starting their own SRT is something he and his co-workers have been talking about since he got hired with his department over three and a half years ago. It is something I never thought would happen, so I said sure. Then he came home with the information. It is actually going to happen, and very quickly. Instead of slowly dipping my toes in the water, then working my way in, I'm getting launched head first from the high board, and I'm afraid of heights.
The part of me that knows what goes into police training knows this is a good thing. It's more training that he can use on his day to day calls. He gets called to assist other agency's SWAT teams now. This training will help to protect him and his co-workers better than before. The risks aren't high, and he will be part of a small town team, so he shouldn't be called in for it that often. Honestly, the benefits out weigh the risks by a lot. If anything, this training will reduce the chances of him getting hurt or killed in the line of duty.
SWAT is kind of like any other job. When you're going to bust down a door, you know dang well the people on the other side are going to be bad guys. In addition to all the training and preparation that goes into busting down the door, you're prepared for what is going to happen. It's a luxury cops don't get most of the time. Normal patrol means you don't know if Granny is going to come at you with nun chucks and a sawed off shotgun, so you have to try to keep your guard up while being polite all the time. In that way, it also makes SWAT seem like a good idea. I'd much rather know my husband is prepared going into a situation.
Then there is the nagging civilian part of me that has seen too many movies and has been out of the field for too long. It keeps saying 'but he could get hurt.' Well yeah, but he's a cop. He could get hurt any day he's working. The part responds with 'this is more dangerous.' No. It really isn't, but like a kid in a toy store, no matter how much I try to reason with the voice, it just won't give in!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Fresh From the Garden
We have a little garden... kind of. I have a little plot of dirt that has been overtaken by weeds. I had little vegetable plants, but we've had no water, so most of them are pretty brown and dead. We should have a few tomatoes and some zucchini soon! We even had a couple of green beans, which my girls ate straight off the plant. Like any plant I touch, my garden as a whole died. That's ok though. There is still a great way for us to get yummy, garden fresh fruits and veggies.
We visited the farmer's market in town on Tuesday, and I was pleasantly surprised by the variety our little stands had to offer. We walked up to the first stand and left with two cucumbers, a basket of tomatoes, and a zucchini. The next had lots of yummy corn, so we grabbed a dozen ears. Then there were some eggplants, which I've never tried before, so we we bought one of those. It's the white kind, which I was told is best fried like a green tomato. Maybe we'll do purple next time. Kaylee, of course, couldn't leave without also having a small basket of peaches, so we got those too (even though they were really close to the same price as the store, if not a bit over.) We did skip the egg stand, but that's because we already have plenty of those at home.
For about $12, Kaylee and I walked away with a bunch of veggies and a little fruit that would have cost a lot more in the store, and we supported local families. The fruit and vegetables from these stands are, by far, better quality than I can get in a store, and my family agrees. By the end of the day, the girls had finished off all the peaches. By the end of the next day, all the tomatoes. I had the cucumbers dipped in ranch for snacks, and the rest will be made with dinner the rest of the week.
Next time you're about to drive by that little stand on the side of the road or the sign directing you to a farmer's market, slow down. Stop and support your local farmers, your health, and your wallet.
We visited the farmer's market in town on Tuesday, and I was pleasantly surprised by the variety our little stands had to offer. We walked up to the first stand and left with two cucumbers, a basket of tomatoes, and a zucchini. The next had lots of yummy corn, so we grabbed a dozen ears. Then there were some eggplants, which I've never tried before, so we we bought one of those. It's the white kind, which I was told is best fried like a green tomato. Maybe we'll do purple next time. Kaylee, of course, couldn't leave without also having a small basket of peaches, so we got those too (even though they were really close to the same price as the store, if not a bit over.) We did skip the egg stand, but that's because we already have plenty of those at home.
For about $12, Kaylee and I walked away with a bunch of veggies and a little fruit that would have cost a lot more in the store, and we supported local families. The fruit and vegetables from these stands are, by far, better quality than I can get in a store, and my family agrees. By the end of the day, the girls had finished off all the peaches. By the end of the next day, all the tomatoes. I had the cucumbers dipped in ranch for snacks, and the rest will be made with dinner the rest of the week.
Next time you're about to drive by that little stand on the side of the road or the sign directing you to a farmer's market, slow down. Stop and support your local farmers, your health, and your wallet.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Being Broke Doesn't Have to Mean Stressful Holidays and Birthdays
As I read a post today, I thought of a response and carefully worded it to sound the way I wanted to, then deleted it. I know posting it where I was going to would have only made me look like a jerk no matter how it was worded. Instead, I will share my feelings and ideas here. Besides, here I can better explain and articulate without worrying about being too long winded or my awful spelling. (LOVE spell check)
I hear over and over again about parents that feel bad that they can't get this toy, that outfit, the world for their children. It gets worse as birthdays approach or Christmas gets near. Up until last year, Christmas was really hard for me, this Easter, until I saw my kids reactions, I worried about how little I had put in their Easter Baskets compared to what my mother had bought, and I have worried about birthdays in the past. This post will be about my ideas for those three occasions.
Christmas has always been very commercial in my family. My mother still makes a list of how much she's spent on each person, and each person ends up being within a dollar, even if she has to buy a pack of gum to do it. Until I moved out, we also all had the same number of presents under the tree. Each person also has what I now consider a lot of money spent on them. Growing up, I was told we didn't have a lot of money. Looking back now, I know we never really had it rough.
The first few years of being married to my husband was also super hard because I wanted to give 'better' gifts than anybody else. That's what I was used to. While his mother does go a bit overboard and fills the house with presents, they are much more meaningful to the people they go to and to her. I've learned that in his parents' house, the last thing I need to worry about is money. Instead, I should spend my time and energy on finding the thing that is 'just right' for the person, even if it costs nothing.
When we started our own home, I didn't want to feel that pressure, but I did. I wrote lists of what each child was getting so they would each have the same number of presents, and each child would have the same amount of money spent on them. Age and like were taken into consideration, but the end numbers had to come out even. It drove my husband crazy. It drove me crazy that I didn't have 'enough' money to spend on them.
Then I heard about what other families were doing. Yes. Some of them were upset that they didn't have the money to spend. Some of them were worried what their children would think when Santa didn't bring them as much when they had a rough year. Some flat out don't celebrate Christmas with Santa because they feel it is a lie that will harm their relationship with their children. After hearing several ideas, we developed our own, which is based on threes for the three wise men.
We do celebrate with Santa, but he is only allowed to bring three toys to each child, and it has to be made by elves. He can't just go to the store and buy stuff because it's what's hot that year. We fully support work at home parents and elves over store bought when we can.
We also revamped my idea of giving. Each child gets three gifts from us, but it isn't based on money. It is based on what is important to that child. For example, Kaylee prefers the Littlest Pet Shop products, while Alyssa loves to play with hair, so little basket of bows, korkers, and combs would be much more along her interests, and the baby doesn't really want or need much, so a cloth diaper is great for him.
Broken down, one package of LPS toys for Kaylee might cost around $20. Alyssa's will be partly won, partly made, and partly bought. Broken down, maybe $5 in materials to make what I wanted to and $1 for a package of combs. Bub's diaper will cost between $5-30 depending on where I get it. There's no pressure to spend the exact same amount on each one. They are individuals with different likes. Each like or need costs a different amount, and that's ok.
The day before Easter, I looked at the baskets I had for the girls. Each held hand made toys (Kaylee got a doll and Alyssa a bear, plus both girls got an I-Spy bag,) a couple of crochet eggs, and a very small amount of candy. Each toy had been picked very carefully for the child they were for. Then I looked at the baskets my mother had gotten for them. They were overflowing with goodies, each filled with similar items so there would be no fighting. Literally overflowing all over the table. I wanted to cry.
The next morning, the girls ran to the table and tore through the baskets my mother had given them. Toys and candy were everywhere! I walked over feeling awful as I handed each girl their basket from my husband and me. I will never forget the look on Kaylee's face as she pulled out her doll or Alyssa's as she hugged her bear. How foolish I had been. They did enjoy their other toys and candy, but the candy and matching toys are long gone. The dolly, bear, and I-spy bags still get regular use. The crochet eggs won't rot or crack in the years to come.
The last one I came to terms with happened just last month. In June, Alyssa celebrated her second birthday. Like any other time, we didn't have a lot of money to go out and splurge on her. For a while, it bothered me. I'm not unlike many of today's parents. I would love nothing more than to give my children everything they could ever want. In the end, I made her a shirt, and Kaylee handed her a soft blanket from her and her brother, and a book (the Giving Tree) from the family. That was it. Honestly, that's what I'm hoping to do from now on. In total we spent less than $20 (buying the book at Amazon instead of Barnes and Noble saved us $10,) and the kids enjoyed the day as much as if we'd spent hundreds.
Whatever you raise your kids to expect will be what they continue to expect. I would love to give my kids the world, but #1 I can't afford to and #2 they'd be brats. By limiting what we give, we can enjoy our time together, create less stress for ourselves, and overall be happier. Not having money doesn't have to mean extra stress for birthdays and holidays.
I hear over and over again about parents that feel bad that they can't get this toy, that outfit, the world for their children. It gets worse as birthdays approach or Christmas gets near. Up until last year, Christmas was really hard for me, this Easter, until I saw my kids reactions, I worried about how little I had put in their Easter Baskets compared to what my mother had bought, and I have worried about birthdays in the past. This post will be about my ideas for those three occasions.
Christmas has always been very commercial in my family. My mother still makes a list of how much she's spent on each person, and each person ends up being within a dollar, even if she has to buy a pack of gum to do it. Until I moved out, we also all had the same number of presents under the tree. Each person also has what I now consider a lot of money spent on them. Growing up, I was told we didn't have a lot of money. Looking back now, I know we never really had it rough.
The first few years of being married to my husband was also super hard because I wanted to give 'better' gifts than anybody else. That's what I was used to. While his mother does go a bit overboard and fills the house with presents, they are much more meaningful to the people they go to and to her. I've learned that in his parents' house, the last thing I need to worry about is money. Instead, I should spend my time and energy on finding the thing that is 'just right' for the person, even if it costs nothing.
When we started our own home, I didn't want to feel that pressure, but I did. I wrote lists of what each child was getting so they would each have the same number of presents, and each child would have the same amount of money spent on them. Age and like were taken into consideration, but the end numbers had to come out even. It drove my husband crazy. It drove me crazy that I didn't have 'enough' money to spend on them.
Then I heard about what other families were doing. Yes. Some of them were upset that they didn't have the money to spend. Some of them were worried what their children would think when Santa didn't bring them as much when they had a rough year. Some flat out don't celebrate Christmas with Santa because they feel it is a lie that will harm their relationship with their children. After hearing several ideas, we developed our own, which is based on threes for the three wise men.
We do celebrate with Santa, but he is only allowed to bring three toys to each child, and it has to be made by elves. He can't just go to the store and buy stuff because it's what's hot that year. We fully support work at home parents and elves over store bought when we can.
We also revamped my idea of giving. Each child gets three gifts from us, but it isn't based on money. It is based on what is important to that child. For example, Kaylee prefers the Littlest Pet Shop products, while Alyssa loves to play with hair, so little basket of bows, korkers, and combs would be much more along her interests, and the baby doesn't really want or need much, so a cloth diaper is great for him.
Broken down, one package of LPS toys for Kaylee might cost around $20. Alyssa's will be partly won, partly made, and partly bought. Broken down, maybe $5 in materials to make what I wanted to and $1 for a package of combs. Bub's diaper will cost between $5-30 depending on where I get it. There's no pressure to spend the exact same amount on each one. They are individuals with different likes. Each like or need costs a different amount, and that's ok.
The day before Easter, I looked at the baskets I had for the girls. Each held hand made toys (Kaylee got a doll and Alyssa a bear, plus both girls got an I-Spy bag,) a couple of crochet eggs, and a very small amount of candy. Each toy had been picked very carefully for the child they were for. Then I looked at the baskets my mother had gotten for them. They were overflowing with goodies, each filled with similar items so there would be no fighting. Literally overflowing all over the table. I wanted to cry.
The next morning, the girls ran to the table and tore through the baskets my mother had given them. Toys and candy were everywhere! I walked over feeling awful as I handed each girl their basket from my husband and me. I will never forget the look on Kaylee's face as she pulled out her doll or Alyssa's as she hugged her bear. How foolish I had been. They did enjoy their other toys and candy, but the candy and matching toys are long gone. The dolly, bear, and I-spy bags still get regular use. The crochet eggs won't rot or crack in the years to come.
The last one I came to terms with happened just last month. In June, Alyssa celebrated her second birthday. Like any other time, we didn't have a lot of money to go out and splurge on her. For a while, it bothered me. I'm not unlike many of today's parents. I would love nothing more than to give my children everything they could ever want. In the end, I made her a shirt, and Kaylee handed her a soft blanket from her and her brother, and a book (the Giving Tree) from the family. That was it. Honestly, that's what I'm hoping to do from now on. In total we spent less than $20 (buying the book at Amazon instead of Barnes and Noble saved us $10,) and the kids enjoyed the day as much as if we'd spent hundreds.
Whatever you raise your kids to expect will be what they continue to expect. I would love to give my kids the world, but #1 I can't afford to and #2 they'd be brats. By limiting what we give, we can enjoy our time together, create less stress for ourselves, and overall be happier. Not having money doesn't have to mean extra stress for birthdays and holidays.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Bathroom Independence
I never thought small things like what my children do in the bathroom would ever affect me the way they do. When we switched from diapers to underwear, I wanted to cry. Sure, I still have one in diapers, so it's not like I have to sell or give away my precious cloth, but it's one of those bittersweet milestones.
The double standards of privacy for my three year old makes me laugh too. I can't tell you the last time I've been able to soak in a bath alone. Going to the bathroom without banging on the door or little eyes staring at me is a thing of the past. And yet, she insists on having her privacy.
A year ago, it went both ways. I would have loved my privacy, but knew it wouldn't happen. At the same time, I was in there with her because she needed Mommy to help. Now I'm not allowed in. Yesterday while at the store, she wouldn't even let me in the stall. She told me I could go get my own or wait for her to be done. Of course, I waited right outside her stall, and was fine until we got home.
Then we got up to the sinks. Wouldn't you know it was one of the stores with the lower sink for handicapped people? And it was just the right size for her. Whoever designed it didn't have the foresight to realize somebody in a wheelchair that needs a lower sink will probably also need the soap lower, but even with the soap being high, all I was allowed to do was push the button so the soap could fall into my little girl's hand. I swear a piece of my heart got washed down the drain with the used soap.
We got home and she wouldn't go to bed, so my husband let her stay up and watch a movie. (That's a big girl privilege.) I went to take a shower, and I bet you can't guess who joined me. The little girl who was terrified of the shower such a short time ago jumped in, carefully got her hair wet, washed own body and hair, and rinsed herself. Mommy wasn't allowed to touch her. Then she threw a fit when Daddy tried to help her brush her teeth. My heart swelled with pride and broke knowing she's learning to make her own way in the world.
The double standards of privacy for my three year old makes me laugh too. I can't tell you the last time I've been able to soak in a bath alone. Going to the bathroom without banging on the door or little eyes staring at me is a thing of the past. And yet, she insists on having her privacy.
A year ago, it went both ways. I would have loved my privacy, but knew it wouldn't happen. At the same time, I was in there with her because she needed Mommy to help. Now I'm not allowed in. Yesterday while at the store, she wouldn't even let me in the stall. She told me I could go get my own or wait for her to be done. Of course, I waited right outside her stall, and was fine until we got home.
Then we got up to the sinks. Wouldn't you know it was one of the stores with the lower sink for handicapped people? And it was just the right size for her. Whoever designed it didn't have the foresight to realize somebody in a wheelchair that needs a lower sink will probably also need the soap lower, but even with the soap being high, all I was allowed to do was push the button so the soap could fall into my little girl's hand. I swear a piece of my heart got washed down the drain with the used soap.
We got home and she wouldn't go to bed, so my husband let her stay up and watch a movie. (That's a big girl privilege.) I went to take a shower, and I bet you can't guess who joined me. The little girl who was terrified of the shower such a short time ago jumped in, carefully got her hair wet, washed own body and hair, and rinsed herself. Mommy wasn't allowed to touch her. Then she threw a fit when Daddy tried to help her brush her teeth. My heart swelled with pride and broke knowing she's learning to make her own way in the world.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
A Quickly Moving World
I remember being in high school and wishing it was over. I remember asking for items for the apartment I was getting as soon as I turned 18, the boyfriend I was going to be with forever, the friends I would never lose contact with, the life I couldn't wait to outgrow.
It's already been eight years since I graduated. I have just started talking to some of those friends again, and others either I still haven't been in contact with or we have just changed too much. My husband and I own our own house and have three children, and he certainly (and very, very thankfully) is not that boyfriend I thought he would be. Now I'm begging for time to slow down.
Growing up, I always got annoyed when family would say 'Wow. She's growing like a weed,' or 'I wish I could put a rock on top of her head to keep her from growing,' but now I find myself wishing for similar. I look at two little girls and a little boy who are growing at rates I can't even keep up with. I can't even tell you how many well-check visits we've gone to. All I know is it's enough to make my head spin. How in the world is my little girl already almost 4? How did my baby girl just turn 2? And my little boy is already over half way to where my girls were when they stopped breastfeeding.
When I look in the mirror, I can't believe what I see. I'm getting old. Over 1/4 of a century behind me, and well on my way to 30. Sure, it's not that old in the grand scheme, but if I blink my eyes again, I'll have another 1/4 of a century behind me, and my children won't be the ones looking at me with loving, trusting eyes. Instead of sweet little voices calling 'Mommy!' they'll be calling 'Grandma!'
Even knowing all of that, I also know my eyes will still fill to the brim, I'll still wonder how my babies grew so fast, and I'll still wrap my arms lovingly around the babies that call for me. Yes, life is flying by, and it will continue to leave me breathless. But at least I know the breakneck pace my life is going at now is paving the way for a future filled with love, laughter, and everyday miracles, just like it is now.
It's already been eight years since I graduated. I have just started talking to some of those friends again, and others either I still haven't been in contact with or we have just changed too much. My husband and I own our own house and have three children, and he certainly (and very, very thankfully) is not that boyfriend I thought he would be. Now I'm begging for time to slow down.
Growing up, I always got annoyed when family would say 'Wow. She's growing like a weed,' or 'I wish I could put a rock on top of her head to keep her from growing,' but now I find myself wishing for similar. I look at two little girls and a little boy who are growing at rates I can't even keep up with. I can't even tell you how many well-check visits we've gone to. All I know is it's enough to make my head spin. How in the world is my little girl already almost 4? How did my baby girl just turn 2? And my little boy is already over half way to where my girls were when they stopped breastfeeding.
When I look in the mirror, I can't believe what I see. I'm getting old. Over 1/4 of a century behind me, and well on my way to 30. Sure, it's not that old in the grand scheme, but if I blink my eyes again, I'll have another 1/4 of a century behind me, and my children won't be the ones looking at me with loving, trusting eyes. Instead of sweet little voices calling 'Mommy!' they'll be calling 'Grandma!'
Even knowing all of that, I also know my eyes will still fill to the brim, I'll still wonder how my babies grew so fast, and I'll still wrap my arms lovingly around the babies that call for me. Yes, life is flying by, and it will continue to leave me breathless. But at least I know the breakneck pace my life is going at now is paving the way for a future filled with love, laughter, and everyday miracles, just like it is now.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Cheap, Easy Pizza
I love having one night a week where I have something stable and set for dinner. For us, it's pizza night. If we were to buy pizzas, we'd have to get 3 from a store (with some left over.) I'm pretty picky too, so it'd cost right around $10 if Red Baron was on sale. Closer to $15 if not, plus drinks. I'm cheap and don't spend that much on any meal unless we're going out to eat! So, we make our own.
Since we do make it weekly, and since I also make bread and various other things from scratch, we just buy in bulk from Sam's Club, making each pizza super cheap. We buy a 25lb bag of flour, a 6lb can of paste/ sauce (we divide it into 5 freezer bags plus what we use for the first meal,) 3lb bag of pepperoni (my husband also uses it on sandwiches,) a five pound bag of cheese (can also be frozen in parts,) and a gigantic 2 pack of dried yeast (found in the baking aisle in most stores, near the spices in our Sam's) for under $40. I'm not sure how much the honey costs, because I haven't bought it in so long, and the same goes for the cooking oil. I shop once a month, and normally still have several things I don't need to get. The sauce is the thing we run out of quickest, and even that lasts 6 meals (total of 12 of our pizzas, or 18 medium size store pizzas) before having to get more. In short, meal ends up costing under $6 if you make one 12" (normal medium) and one 16" (normal Large to X-Large) pizza, and we normally have pretty much the full medium left.
What you'll need to make 2-3 pizzas:
5 cups of flour
4 1/2 tsp instant dry yeast
2 tbsp honey (or other sweet stuff)
2 cups warm water
2tbsp cooking oil
1 1/2 cups sauce or tomato paste/ crushed tomatoes + add your own spices(We use the extra for dipping fresh bread sticks in)
24 oz shredded mozzarella cheese (I think we adjust that quite a bit)
Any other toppings you would like.
Grease your pans. (I have one 12" and one 16", and both get used) Mix the flour, yeast, honey, water, and cooking oil together to form dough. Add a little extra flour if needed, but I try not to for the best tasting dough. Knead for 5 minutes, and don't slack on this part, or your dough will be dense and won't taste as good.
Spread the dough into the greased pans, set a clean dish towel over it, and let sit for 10 minutes. This is where I normally also turn on the oven. You'll want to heat the oven to 400F. If your oven is like mine, it'll be right about at 400 when the 10 minutes for the dough setting is up. Pop the pans in the oven for 5 minutes for a softer crust, 7 for a more crisp crust.
Take the crust out, put on the toppings, and put the pizza back in for 15-18 minutes. Remove, cool, cut, eat.
Yep. Really that simple, and you know exactly what's going on your pizza. I also recommend trying things like broccoli, onions, or pineapple to add flavor and to make your pizza more unique to you.
Since we do make it weekly, and since I also make bread and various other things from scratch, we just buy in bulk from Sam's Club, making each pizza super cheap. We buy a 25lb bag of flour, a 6lb can of paste/ sauce (we divide it into 5 freezer bags plus what we use for the first meal,) 3lb bag of pepperoni (my husband also uses it on sandwiches,) a five pound bag of cheese (can also be frozen in parts,) and a gigantic 2 pack of dried yeast (found in the baking aisle in most stores, near the spices in our Sam's) for under $40. I'm not sure how much the honey costs, because I haven't bought it in so long, and the same goes for the cooking oil. I shop once a month, and normally still have several things I don't need to get. The sauce is the thing we run out of quickest, and even that lasts 6 meals (total of 12 of our pizzas, or 18 medium size store pizzas) before having to get more. In short, meal ends up costing under $6 if you make one 12" (normal medium) and one 16" (normal Large to X-Large) pizza, and we normally have pretty much the full medium left.
What you'll need to make 2-3 pizzas:
5 cups of flour
4 1/2 tsp instant dry yeast
2 tbsp honey (or other sweet stuff)
2 cups warm water
2tbsp cooking oil
1 1/2 cups sauce or tomato paste/ crushed tomatoes + add your own spices(We use the extra for dipping fresh bread sticks in)
24 oz shredded mozzarella cheese (I think we adjust that quite a bit)
Any other toppings you would like.
Grease your pans. (I have one 12" and one 16", and both get used) Mix the flour, yeast, honey, water, and cooking oil together to form dough. Add a little extra flour if needed, but I try not to for the best tasting dough. Knead for 5 minutes, and don't slack on this part, or your dough will be dense and won't taste as good.
Spread the dough into the greased pans, set a clean dish towel over it, and let sit for 10 minutes. This is where I normally also turn on the oven. You'll want to heat the oven to 400F. If your oven is like mine, it'll be right about at 400 when the 10 minutes for the dough setting is up. Pop the pans in the oven for 5 minutes for a softer crust, 7 for a more crisp crust.
Take the crust out, put on the toppings, and put the pizza back in for 15-18 minutes. Remove, cool, cut, eat.
Yep. Really that simple, and you know exactly what's going on your pizza. I also recommend trying things like broccoli, onions, or pineapple to add flavor and to make your pizza more unique to you.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A Single Candle
As I look out the office window, I see the small amount of property we call ours. My husband is mowing the grass in a very pink shirt, and he is secure enough with himself not to even think twice about it, even after our oldest questioned him about 'wearing Mommy's shirt.' The sun is shining as the cool breeze blows the leaves of our pecan tree.
Inside, my three perfect babies are playing in the next room. They are smart, happy, and overall healthy. Two little girls and a little boy that have brought so much happiness to our lives. Three little babies that are all unique and so deeply loved. I know we are blessed beyond comprehension.
While I think of how lucky I am, how blessed my family is, I also hurt for some of my friends. One year ago, a group of people I call my online support and family was hit with loss after loss. One child was lost due to a knot in her umbilical cord, one was stillborn, and a third passed away after a very traumatic birth. So many losses, each less than a month from the last. We all cried and hurt together, and we cry and hurt again as the one year marks pass. And again, we feel the loss of these babies. To add to the pain and loss, another in that family has just lost her unborn child, and a friend outside of that group has lost the hope of holding her baby yet again. There have also been many other friends and family members that have lost their children, unborn through adult. It just isn't fair.
As I sit in tears over their losses, I can't help but feel guilty that mine were not taken. It doesn't seem fair that so many friends hurt so deeply, and I can only begin to comprehend. I feel guilty as I hear the giggles. I feel guilty when my heart brims with joy as I hear a little voice squeal 'Mommy' and little arms reach for me. I even feel guilty as I clean yet another bout of vomit or another dirty diaper.
I understand what it is like to fear losing a child. I still have nightmares about my oldest in a hospital bed. I still hear myself telling her she would be ok as tears of uncertainty rolled down my cheeks. Yet, all that hurt and fear desn't even begin to describe what these families feel. And all they have asked is that we don't forget. We don't ask them to leave their babies behind, and we don't lose the memory of the children that have forever changed them.
Please remember with me. On August 7th, I will be lighting a candle to remember all of the losses my friends and my family have gone through. I ask that you to light a single flame to signify the memory lives on. Show that you still remember, and you will never forget.
My candle will burn my friend Dawn, who left us one month before her 14th birthday, for little Henry, who left us August 7th of last year, for Melissa's baby, who never got a chance to live, and for all the others that never lost their innocence, but have changed our worlds forever. Who will you light your candle for?
Inside, my three perfect babies are playing in the next room. They are smart, happy, and overall healthy. Two little girls and a little boy that have brought so much happiness to our lives. Three little babies that are all unique and so deeply loved. I know we are blessed beyond comprehension.
While I think of how lucky I am, how blessed my family is, I also hurt for some of my friends. One year ago, a group of people I call my online support and family was hit with loss after loss. One child was lost due to a knot in her umbilical cord, one was stillborn, and a third passed away after a very traumatic birth. So many losses, each less than a month from the last. We all cried and hurt together, and we cry and hurt again as the one year marks pass. And again, we feel the loss of these babies. To add to the pain and loss, another in that family has just lost her unborn child, and a friend outside of that group has lost the hope of holding her baby yet again. There have also been many other friends and family members that have lost their children, unborn through adult. It just isn't fair.
As I sit in tears over their losses, I can't help but feel guilty that mine were not taken. It doesn't seem fair that so many friends hurt so deeply, and I can only begin to comprehend. I feel guilty as I hear the giggles. I feel guilty when my heart brims with joy as I hear a little voice squeal 'Mommy' and little arms reach for me. I even feel guilty as I clean yet another bout of vomit or another dirty diaper.
I understand what it is like to fear losing a child. I still have nightmares about my oldest in a hospital bed. I still hear myself telling her she would be ok as tears of uncertainty rolled down my cheeks. Yet, all that hurt and fear desn't even begin to describe what these families feel. And all they have asked is that we don't forget. We don't ask them to leave their babies behind, and we don't lose the memory of the children that have forever changed them.
Please remember with me. On August 7th, I will be lighting a candle to remember all of the losses my friends and my family have gone through. I ask that you to light a single flame to signify the memory lives on. Show that you still remember, and you will never forget.
My candle will burn my friend Dawn, who left us one month before her 14th birthday, for little Henry, who left us August 7th of last year, for Melissa's baby, who never got a chance to live, and for all the others that never lost their innocence, but have changed our worlds forever. Who will you light your candle for?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
How do we do it?
Living on one paycheck is really hard. I would say the biggest thing that helps us is our ability to be frugal. We cloth diaper and breastfeed instead of buying disposable and formula. That alone has saved us thousands of dollars. I make our laundry and dishwasher soaps, and we find fun things to do for free. We don't have central air, but instead use fans and have one AC unit in our children's room in case it gets really hot.
So what kind of fun things are free these days? I have to be crazy, right? Well, our location does help. We're minutes from the beach and less than half an hour from a free zoo (which also has story time and other free activities.) We also have two parks within walking distance, my parents bought the kids a swing set, and fishing along the river in town is free. Still, there are other free things that you can do no matter where you are.
When is the last time you took your kids to the library? Our library has a wonderful selection of books and movies we can bring home. As long as we take things back by the time they're due, it's free. Even cooler, our library also has fun, free activities that I wouldn't know about if we didn't visit. For example, the other week we took the girls down to color on the sidewalk outside the library. Later this month there will be a reptile presentation, a magician, and something called 'Signs Under the Sea.' The kids really enjoy it, and it creates a great learning and social time. Sadly, many libraries are seeing huge budget cuts, and may not be around much longer if we don't visit and support them.
There are also many groups in almost every area that are based around children. We have a local 'parents' group, which is pretty much play dates for children and a great time for parents to get some adult time. We also have a baby wearing/ breastfeeding support/ play date group. You may have to do a bit of online searching, but there's a good chance you'll have them near you if you look.
No kids, or still need more ideas? Check your local freecycle group. You wouldn't believe the things people are giving away! A while back, my husband expressed an interest in learning to play the piano, but due to tight finances, it would be really hard to get him anything beyond a cheap, used keyboard. A very short time later, I stumbled across two full-size pianos a church was giving away. We brought one home, and while it drives me nuts, my husband and girls get a great amount of use out of it. We have also gotten toys, a huge fish tank, a spice cabinet, maternity clothes, and a full wardrobe for my oldest daughter among many other wonderful things. Just don't forget to give back to keep the group going.
We also have a couple of state parks near us. You'd be surprised how many state parks there actually are. They're great places for picnics and hiking. Many also have parks. Just be sure to check for harmful insects like ticks when you're done hiking. They seem like pretty harmless little critters, but we almost lost our oldest daughter to a tick born illness. You'll also want to keep an eye out for annoying plants like poison ivy, though a bit of calamine
lotion will go a long way to help with that. You can follow that link to get some online, or grab some at Wal-Mart, Dollar General, or other just about any other store.
I've touched on a few fun, free things we've found to do. What about everybody else? I know we're always looking for something new and exciting to do!
So what kind of fun things are free these days? I have to be crazy, right? Well, our location does help. We're minutes from the beach and less than half an hour from a free zoo (which also has story time and other free activities.) We also have two parks within walking distance, my parents bought the kids a swing set, and fishing along the river in town is free. Still, there are other free things that you can do no matter where you are.
When is the last time you took your kids to the library? Our library has a wonderful selection of books and movies we can bring home. As long as we take things back by the time they're due, it's free. Even cooler, our library also has fun, free activities that I wouldn't know about if we didn't visit. For example, the other week we took the girls down to color on the sidewalk outside the library. Later this month there will be a reptile presentation, a magician, and something called 'Signs Under the Sea.' The kids really enjoy it, and it creates a great learning and social time. Sadly, many libraries are seeing huge budget cuts, and may not be around much longer if we don't visit and support them.
There are also many groups in almost every area that are based around children. We have a local 'parents' group, which is pretty much play dates for children and a great time for parents to get some adult time. We also have a baby wearing/ breastfeeding support/ play date group. You may have to do a bit of online searching, but there's a good chance you'll have them near you if you look.
No kids, or still need more ideas? Check your local freecycle group. You wouldn't believe the things people are giving away! A while back, my husband expressed an interest in learning to play the piano, but due to tight finances, it would be really hard to get him anything beyond a cheap, used keyboard. A very short time later, I stumbled across two full-size pianos a church was giving away. We brought one home, and while it drives me nuts, my husband and girls get a great amount of use out of it. We have also gotten toys, a huge fish tank, a spice cabinet, maternity clothes, and a full wardrobe for my oldest daughter among many other wonderful things. Just don't forget to give back to keep the group going.
We also have a couple of state parks near us. You'd be surprised how many state parks there actually are. They're great places for picnics and hiking. Many also have parks. Just be sure to check for harmful insects like ticks when you're done hiking. They seem like pretty harmless little critters, but we almost lost our oldest daughter to a tick born illness. You'll also want to keep an eye out for annoying plants like poison ivy, though a bit of calamine
lotion will go a long way to help with that. You can follow that link to get some online, or grab some at Wal-Mart, Dollar General, or other just about any other store.I've touched on a few fun, free things we've found to do. What about everybody else? I know we're always looking for something new and exciting to do!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Introduction to me and what you may find here in the future
I'm sure you'll have some questions as you begin your journey with me. Who am I? What will you find here? I can't fully answer that. Perhaps your journey with me will help me figure all of that out.
As is the tendency, my life has been moving and changing so very quickly. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a hard time keeping up. There are times I feel like I'm drowning, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through. I am at a point now where I don't know exactly who or what I am, but I know the answer isn't the same as it was even a few years ago.
Flash back to the summer of 2005. I had just finished my first semester of college. I'd graduated high school a couple years before, dabbled in the work force, gone to business school, and had no idea where my life was taking me. At the time, I thought being a lawyer sounded like a pretty good idea, so I began my journey in the Criminal Justice field. During that first semester, the Ocean City, Maryland Police Department sent some officers to my school. They have this program each year where they hire seasonal police officers. I applied, figuring it sounded like a good way to at least get my toe in the door. Maybe it would help me figure out if this was really the path for me.
That summer was the best summer of my life up until that point. One Sgt wasn't fond of me because I became very close to my training officer, and they didn't like each other. The other Sgt, my Lt, and I got along great. One day I actually got a little 'talking to' because I didn't bring a bikini to work with me. I was informed I would be doing plain clothes work as often as they could get me to. They wanted to give me a couple of partners to work with, but in the end, JJ and I were coupled the majority of the time. We looked like a couple, we did a great job together, and the bosses were happy.
Of course, all good things must come to an end. My partner had to go back to school, so I got stuck with somebody new. Chris was a full-time officer that I had paid little attention to. It was no secret that I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and didn't want to date. This guy had been on some of my calls, but I'd paid very little attention to him. Right before we started working together as partners, he came over to watch the movie 'White Chicks' because another officer had borrowed it from me and like it.
Four years later, we still joke about it. My second partner's name was actually Jason, he wasn't full time, he had spent most of the summer trying to get me to notice him, and 'White Chicks' certainly isn't the type of movie he'd typically go out of his way to watch. Less than a year after, we were married in my parents' field. We now have three beautiful children and a house of our own.
My husband still works as a police officer, but no longer for Ocean City. I, on the other hand, quit working to stay at home with our children. I am very thankful that he supports us and also feels that it is important for me to be home rather than working. Somewhere on the way to this point, I lost at least part of who I am. My children and husband are my life. Everything I do is based around making sure they are happy and healthy, and in doing that, I've lost sight of what I want for myself. Yes, if I want to be a police officer in a few years, there will still be criminals, but I'm not even sure I want that anymore.
In this blog, you will be able to join me on my journey to finding myself. You will be taken through my ups and downs, you will be given tips on being frugal, and you may even find some do it yourself projects. Who knows what else will be here. I sure don't.
As is the tendency, my life has been moving and changing so very quickly. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a hard time keeping up. There are times I feel like I'm drowning, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through. I am at a point now where I don't know exactly who or what I am, but I know the answer isn't the same as it was even a few years ago.
Flash back to the summer of 2005. I had just finished my first semester of college. I'd graduated high school a couple years before, dabbled in the work force, gone to business school, and had no idea where my life was taking me. At the time, I thought being a lawyer sounded like a pretty good idea, so I began my journey in the Criminal Justice field. During that first semester, the Ocean City, Maryland Police Department sent some officers to my school. They have this program each year where they hire seasonal police officers. I applied, figuring it sounded like a good way to at least get my toe in the door. Maybe it would help me figure out if this was really the path for me.
That summer was the best summer of my life up until that point. One Sgt wasn't fond of me because I became very close to my training officer, and they didn't like each other. The other Sgt, my Lt, and I got along great. One day I actually got a little 'talking to' because I didn't bring a bikini to work with me. I was informed I would be doing plain clothes work as often as they could get me to. They wanted to give me a couple of partners to work with, but in the end, JJ and I were coupled the majority of the time. We looked like a couple, we did a great job together, and the bosses were happy.
Of course, all good things must come to an end. My partner had to go back to school, so I got stuck with somebody new. Chris was a full-time officer that I had paid little attention to. It was no secret that I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and didn't want to date. This guy had been on some of my calls, but I'd paid very little attention to him. Right before we started working together as partners, he came over to watch the movie 'White Chicks' because another officer had borrowed it from me and like it.
Four years later, we still joke about it. My second partner's name was actually Jason, he wasn't full time, he had spent most of the summer trying to get me to notice him, and 'White Chicks' certainly isn't the type of movie he'd typically go out of his way to watch. Less than a year after, we were married in my parents' field. We now have three beautiful children and a house of our own.
My husband still works as a police officer, but no longer for Ocean City. I, on the other hand, quit working to stay at home with our children. I am very thankful that he supports us and also feels that it is important for me to be home rather than working. Somewhere on the way to this point, I lost at least part of who I am. My children and husband are my life. Everything I do is based around making sure they are happy and healthy, and in doing that, I've lost sight of what I want for myself. Yes, if I want to be a police officer in a few years, there will still be criminals, but I'm not even sure I want that anymore.
In this blog, you will be able to join me on my journey to finding myself. You will be taken through my ups and downs, you will be given tips on being frugal, and you may even find some do it yourself projects. Who knows what else will be here. I sure don't.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)